​HOPE is cultivated.
 
I used to think hope was immediate. I had to learn that hope is not something we wake up and instantaneously have. 
 
The images and the pain of that process 20 years ago are all still present with me. I am filled with a joy for the present and future, and as I reflect, I’m not full of regret but of thankfulness. Though the sting is gone now, the past DID happen - and it is a real part of my life:

I sat in the depths of my sorry soul. Everything seemed desolate and without hope. What hope was there for the future of my kids? 

I looked at my past and the history of my family: cycles of fornication, of pregnancy before marriage, of divorce, of raising children without a father. This was my inheritance -- the road that had been paved before me -- and it seemed the road that I had chosen to take. Not because I chose it. Instead, as if it was chosen for me; I was just blindly following a track that had already been laid. 

A deep darkness surrounded my bright vision of the future - a HOPE-FILLED future for my children and myself. How could I ‘make’ a different future for my kids than the future I found myself in? Would their marriages (if they chose to be married) be riddled with chaos, with pain? Would their relationships begin in fornication and end in divorce?

Facing the Numbers

• According to Nicholas Wolfinger in “Understanding the Divorce Cycle”, the risk of divorce is 50 percent higher when one spouse comes from a divorced home and 200 percent higher when both partners do.
• In addition, children of divorce are 50 percent more likely to marry another child of divorce.
• If your parents married others after divorcing, you’re ninety-one percent more likely to get divorced.
• Certain studies have shown that daughters of divorced parents have a 60 percent higher divorce rate in marriages than children of non-divorced parents, while sons have a 35 percent higher rate.

I wondered if, as my children walked down the aisle, they were on their way to divorce court…

Statistically? The answer was YES. 

During this bleak, black period of time, I became aware of the passion I had for the future of my children and grandchildren. I didn’t want any of my children to suffer the agony of divorce. I didn’t want my grandchildren to grow up with an absent father; I wanted my children to be committed to covenant marriage and find partners who had that same commitment. Instead of anxiety, fear, and depression, somehow, the Lord got me to ‘look to the birds of the air’. He lifted my eyes up to see HIM and believe that He could make something beautiful out of the ashes. 

But HOW… 
could I begin a new path?
would I have the strength? The wisdom? The perseverance to stay the course?

Cultivating a Vision for the Future

First, I began to dig … literally, dig. I read in Isaiah 61 that God brings beauty from ashes and I felt like my life, our family, and the lives of my children were nothing but ashes … EVERYTHING had been burnt up. So, I got my spade and I started digging. 

Every weekend, when my children would go visit their dad, I would spend time in the yard digging, removing the layer of grass and weeds in areas of the yard where I would build flower beds. I wept sorrowful tears, releasing the pain, telling God how unfair it was. I learned to believe that God could make something beautiful out of it all

Hard shovelful by hard, weed-ridden shovelful, I dug.

I wept.

I bled.

And each drop was a prayer.

I hauled rock. I wanted solid boundary lines around the new flower beds, so I visited construction sites, old, broken-down limestone walls, and other places – all to gather stones for my garden. Oftentimes, the Lord has what we need - we just have to look and be willing to go the extra mile to get it. 

Partnering with God to bring forth beauty oftentimes requires heavy lifting.  

I brought in dirt. Again, I searched out the resources to build according to what I envisioned, all the while praying and believing that my labor was not in vain. If we till the soil - in our yards, in our hearts - if we bring in the resources we need to fill in the gaps, beauty will come forth. 

We are building WITH God. He shows us what we need. Graham Cook says, “God has all we need; we have to STEP into it”.

I relied on friends and neighbors as my resource. Community was important in the development of beauty. Others had cultivated the beautiful flowers and ground cover I wanted in my flower beds, so I ASKED them how they did it. 

As single mothers, we need to have insightful hearts. Asking for help in bringing forth the beauty we desire is necessary. 

I bought annuals and some mulch. Some flowers, like annuals, are for one season only. I wanted those seasonal flowers to flourish in my flowerbeds – however, I had to be willing to investsomething in the development of beauty. Even with this determination to invest, I found ways to get things at a discount; I discovered that God makes a way. 

As I partnered with God in preparing the soil, setting up the boundaries, relying on friends and neighbors, and cultivating beauty … it was if I prophesied that BEAUTY will come forth out of this season.  

I wept, sweat, and bled -- with each, my hope in the Lord grew. As my flowerbeds filled out over the next 3-4 years, so did my hope that God is able. 

This cultivating ritual became my prayer, my intercession. Through nurturing these flowerbeds, HOPE was born.

Hope is necessary if we, as mothers, want to raise sons and daughters who fulfill their destinies. 
​
How are you cultivating hope in your home? 

​I love the beach, the water, the waves. But recently the “waves” of my daily life have felt like tsunami-sized waves, crashing in from every side: overwhelming, destructive, leaving me sinking, drowning, fighting my way back to the surface. In these waves of torment lie questions that I find myself fighting through: 

• Did I miss you God? 
• What does love look like here? 
• How do I make the storm stop? 
• What does the future look like? 

 
Grief, sorrow, and pain crowd in around me
They are the darkness in the wave that want to keep me under
Consume me
Keep me from resurfacing
 
But resurface I do. I fight my way through the lies, through the heartache, through the anger, through the betrayal -- and I fill my lungs with air again. Unfortunately, I barely get my footing before another wave comes, from an unexpected place or person. 
 
Braving the Waves
 
I sense I am not alone; that many of you reading this have been in such seasons, or are in one now. Over the years, I have learned a few things about dark times like these: 

1. LIFE IS MESSY. And yes, sorrow, pain, and suffering are all a part of life. We get entangled and stuck. We get lost in the situation, accusation, or heartache and want it to be over. But life happens and it’s challenging and messy. 

 

1. HOW WE RESPOND MATTERS. I want to bounce back, to resurface, to breathe again. And because God lives in me, I know I will. 

 
I learned this key to life amid tumult almost 20 years ago, when I was going through my divorce:
 
I remember being in a situation with a friend. She was trying to talk me ‘out of my pain’, but I wanted to be IN my pain. I wanted to stay in my anger, unforgiveness, and bitterness. I hated, and I found comfort in my rage. 
 
She did not like to see me in this place, and a yelling match started. “I don’t want to see you get stuck in the pit,” she screamed. 
 
Without missing a beat, I replied, “Jesus is bigger than my pit and He won’t let me get stuck but I WANT TO BE IN MY PIT FOR A WHILE.” 
 
Of course, that was 20 years ago and I have grown. But the Holy Spirit spoke something that day to me that increased my faith in the power of what Jesus has accomplished: 
 
God IS able. But I need to be honest with Him and others about where I am, and confess with my mouth that He is able. 
 
So here I stand amid another ‘valley of trouble’, wondering if the Lord will again transform it to a gateway of HOPE. And I know my God is able. 
 
My Anchor
 
My saving grace has been and continues to be the Word of God. When I read His word, it’s like peace envelops me. Peace slowly seeps under the door of my heart. My mind triesto shut off access to my heart. But in the Word, peace sneaks under the crack in my door, slowly satisfying the emptiness of my heart - filling me, surrounding me, enveloping me. I want to hide in His Word because it seems to be the only calm, quiet place. 
 
In these moments, I often read parts of Song of Solomon again. I read Exodus, too - I remember snippets of other passages and look them up. 
 
But for thisseason of life, I am drawn back to one verse from Isaiah 54: “Oh storm-tossed and not comforted”. 
 
“That’s it,” I think. That’s how I feel: 
 
Like a ship out on the water, caught in a relentless storm; like the vessel Paul describes in Acts, where the crew literally throws everything overboard. Like I’m in the storm Jonah was caught in. 
 
I am the ship 
beaten down by the waves, 
fighting to stay with my head above water,
breaking, bending, bleeding.
 
Our tendency in the storm is to ask Jesus to CALM the storm. But as I look at Isaiah 54:11, I see two things about where the verse falls. It is sandwiched between:

• God declaring that His covenant of peace will not be shaken (Is. 54:10).
• God revealing what He is doing amid the storm (Is. 54:12).

 
Somewhere I have learned that God responds differently in different kinds of storms. There are passages that even indicate that God stirs up the storm himself… that He allows it. 
 
But oh, what our God purposes to do in the storms is beyond what we can imagine.
 
And in this season of storms, I believe God wants us to remember and to believe.
 
Remember where our peace comes from: He IS the God of peace. And in the world we have trouble … but he has overcome the world.
 
Believe that HE has a purpose in the storm: He is making something beautiful and building strength.
 
Our Home
 
In my remembering and my believing, I remind myself WHOSE kingdom I belong to. After all, I am a child of God. And Jesus is the Prince of Peace. I dwell in their Kingdom of Peace; peace is truly my portion and my inheritance. As I remember these things, my emotions, my thoughts, and my heart each find their rest. 
 
God is building strongfamilies that can endure the storms of life. He is raising up our sons and daughters to weather these waves and winds that often destroy. He is using us, the mothers, to equip our children -- but to empower our children, He is inviting us to be made beautifully strong. 
 
So, single mother, don’t lose heart. God is at work. He is building, refining, and restoring. Let’s stay the course. 
 
How are you weathering the storms of life? 

The lazy days of summer are coming to a close around the nation, and a new school year is just around the corner. While many kids will be excited, some will also have back-to-school jitters. It’s completely normal for kids to be nervous about a new school year, but these tips will help you ease this transition and make back-to-school more exciting than stressful -- without putting any additional stress on your finances. That might sound impossible, but with a little planning and some smart shopping, you’ll have your child on the right track in no time.
 
Set Them Up for Success
 
Getting the right supplies and staying organized is key to back-to-school success -- for you and your child. Do your best to prepare your child with adequate and appropriate school supplies. Skimping here may cause undue anxiety. That said, purchasing school supplies can result in a big price tag. Keep your own anxiety low by remembering a few simple shopping tips to keep the costs down. Shop for back-to-school specials and buy in bulk where it makes sense. Search online for coupons, cashback opportunities, and promo codes before making a single purchase. For example, a quick online search results in three ways to save on Amazon purchases: promo codes through JoinHoney, cash back through Ebates, and coupons through Coupons.com. By saving on upfront school purchases, you can save cash for items your child might need later in the year.
 
Make a Smooth Transition
 
One of the hardest things about a new school year is adjusting to so many changes. Try easing into the changes so everyone can get used to being on a schedule. If bedtimes have crept later, US News recommends moving them back in 30-minute increments. Start encouraging better sleep habits overall too. Make sure kids are getting plenty of physical activity during the day and doing quiet activities in the evening to settle down when it’s time for bed.
 
As the school year gets underway, keep communication open so you’re aware of your children’s anxiety levels. When they seem anxious, ask open-ended questions about what’s going on. This approach will make it easier for them to let you in on what’s causing their stress.
 
To help kids handle the school workload, set a scheduled homework time in the evenings. Stay involved in homework time by looking over any papers they’ve brought home and being available to help if they need it. Consider setting up a dedicated workspace for your kids to give them a separate space for work, free from distractions and unnecessary screens (reduce costs by taking advantage of Target’s weekly ads and cash back opportunities). And do your best to make sure the school year isn’t all work and no play -- leave room in your schedule for fun activities and general downtime.
 
Start Each Day on a Positive Note
 
When you start the day on a positive note, those good vibes can carry you throughout the entire day. Start each day right by literally giving kids a positive note, using Mom Junction’s thought of the day quotes for kids as inspiration. Post the quote in a family command center or send a note with your child to school to give them something to look forward to every day.
 
Another way to start school days smoothly is to develop a routine that eliminates the stress of the morning rush. A good morning routine actually starts the night before. Each evening, help kids pick out their outfit for the next day, pack backpacks, and start preparing lunches (take advantage of cash back options and promotional codes from retailers like Walmart to put together some fun meals for your children). Think about issues that made mornings stressful last year and plan around them. That way, you can get ahead of any potential problems.
 
 
Whether your child or teen has a mild case of butterflies or higher anxiety, a little preparation and organization make a huge difference. Let kids be involved in picking out supplies to build excitement and confidence. And start practicing routines ahead of time so that the new school year already feels more comfortable when the first day arrives.
 
Photo credit: Pexels

Joyce Wilson is passionate about teaching and loves using her writing to help teachers, parents, and students. She is a retired teacher and enjoys sharing lesson plans, resources, and teaching tips on TeacherSpark.

It’s back to school time! Stores are filled with backpacks, highlighters, and more binders than you can hold. Everyone is soaking up the last few weeks of summer before school begins. I felt like this summer went by so quickly - it was over in the blink of an eye. I hope that you got to enjoy the season and do some amazing fun things with your littles. 
 
So many single moms are now about to watch their kids head to school; it can kind of be a scary thing. Whether kids are about to start school for the first time, attend a new school because of a move, or just moving up a grade with new teachers and new friends, it can make any momma’s heart feel uneasy. 
 
Here are my FIVE prayers for my children when they go back to school:  

1) I pray they will always know the love of their Father.
                                                                                                                                                                                                           
Of course, I want them to always experience the love of their dad. More than that, though, I want them to truly know and understand the infinite love that their Heavenly Father has for them (John 3:16). I want my children to savor the fact that He knows them and had set them apart while they were still in my womb (Jeremiah 1:5).  
 
God knows everything about them, even the number of hairs on their head (Luke 12:7). I pray that they will not just know that in their minds, but that they will also experience it in their hearts. I pray that love will guide them in their lives.
 
2) I pray that they will walk with boldness and courage.
 
Life can be scary. I won’t downplay that fact. I wish I could take all the evil away in this world; everything from the boogie man in the dark to frightening life events - I would take it all away if I could. But my precious children don’t need to walk in fear of this evil; they were not born with a spirit of fear, but of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7) I pray they will declare that over themselves in times they are feeling scared. I pray they will walk in the confidence that God has given them. Not in the world's cocky confidence, but in the confidence that only God can give.
 
3) I pray that they will be leaders.
 
My children are feisty. They are energetic. They are strong willed. They are determined. These things can help them to become amazing leaders in the Kingdom of God. I hope that these things won’t change in these children, but instead that they will see the strength in it and that, as their mother, I can cultivate it well.
 
4) I pray that they always seek compassion.
 
From comforting each other when they are upset to helping me with cleaning, I pray my children never stop seeking compassion. I pray they won’t allow the world, circumstances, relationships, or shortcomings to harden their hearts. I pray that God will always keep their hearts tender.
 
5) I pray that, no matter what, they will desire to serve the Lord.
​
One of my greatest prayers for my children is that they will not just be believers of Jesus but that they will also be followers of Jesus. 
Even when it’s hard. 
Even when it’s confusing. 
Even when they stand alone in the crowd. 
I pray my children will not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time they will reap a harvest if they do not give up. (Galatians 6:9) I pray they will sow goodness and reap goodness.

Mommas, I want you to know that you are doing an amazing job. You are sending your children back to school, and I pray that each one of you will feel the love of God as you parent His children. 
 
With Love, 
Monica

​Do you remember as a child chasing fireflies in the summer?  
 
Watching and waiting for their flicker of light ... then dashing after them, running to catch them in your cupped hands and racing back to mom to help you put them in a jar? 
 
Chasing fireflies is one of my favorite memories of my childhood.  I think it is because we did it as a family.  
 
Ahhh … Family.  Two sisters and one brother, mom and dad and hot summer nights.  Warm, life-giving air … fun, laughter, and pure joy! Being outside in the stifling hot summer evenings somehow gave us a sense of relief from the heat.  Outside, you could feel the breeze and run with it.  We could laugh and giggle and call each other names without a trace of argument.  We just enjoyed being together and sharing the fun.
 
One game we played growing up in Columbus, Ohio was Kick-the-Can.  Oh my, what fun we had! It had to be dusk or near dark so that the person who was "it" could barely see us run to hide.  Hearing the noise of the can being kicked to proclaim we were "safe" was just a blast! That noise said we were one notch above being "caught" by the person trying to find us in the dark.
 
What is it about our childhood that brings us so much joy?  
 
Is it the innocence? The carefree way we could experience life?  Was it that we had no worries, no cares? 
 
Or, was it just pure fun?
 
Connection.  That's what it is all about for me.  Who can I connect to?  
 
Who can I share a little part of my corner of the world with?  Who can I share JOY with today?
 
Think about where you are now.  Can you remember the joys of your childhood?  Can you go back year by year until the playful child emerges again?  Can you remember giggling?  Laughing?  Sharing some fun with your family or others in the neighborhood?  
 
If not, I hope you will create some memories like that for your kids and grandkids or friends around the corner from where you live. 
 
Make some connections - what is one nice memory can you create that will fill your heart with joy?  Try it!  You might find out you like it.
 
Memories can be wonderful - if you are willing to connect, to create a memory shared with someone you love. Chase a firefly tonight!
 
Pam Spencer has always had an interest in Stress Management and graduated with her Master of Liberal Arts with an emphasis on Natural Health and Wellness from Baker University.  Pam teaches Stress Management at the Women’s Employment Network in Kansas City, MO, and loves using her skills to help less fortunate women. She has taken her life experience, interpersonal and organizational skills from these stressful years and has developed a DeStress with Joy attitude and uses this philosophy in her approach to life. Pam has a passion to share this gift from God to teach others how to DeStress with Joy and live life to the fullest. 

Pam Spencer has always had an interest in Stress Management and graduated with her Master of Liberal Arts with an emphasis on Natural Health and Wellness from Baker University.  Pam teaches Stress Management at the Women’s Employment Network in Kansas City, MO, and loves using her skills to help less fortunate women. She has taken her life experience, interpersonal and organizational skills from these stressful years and has developed a DeStress with Joy attitude and uses this philosophy in her approach to life. Pam has a passion to share this gift from God to teach others how to DeStress with Joy and live life to the fullest. 
 
 

I was my daddy’s girl. 
 
He had a way of making me feel special. My dad also had a way of teaching my siblings and I life skills without us knowing that’s what he was doing. He invited us into his projects. If he was painting the house or fixing holes in the wall, we were standing next to him holding tools and taking directions. Over the years, we picked rocks out of the pastures, painted the cabin, finished a basement, laid acres of fencing - the projects were countless and we kids were included for all of them. 
 
When I bought my first car, he taught me how to change the tire AND the oil. 

When I moved out on my own, he gave me a set of tools. I still have them. 

He took care of me and made sure I knew how to take care of myself. (He also gave the best foot rubs ever.)
 
Relationships with family members can teach us how to respond to God. Children look to fathers to show them protection, to give them financial security, and to give them their identity.  I always knew I was special to my dad, but… life happens. 
 
My heart was torn right out of my chest when my parents announced they were divorcing and daddy would be the one to move out. I was 10 years old at the time and I didn’t understand what was happening. 
 
My protector and sense of security were gone. It would be later in my teenage years when we regained our relationship. 
 
Even in the best families, children can believe lies and draw wrong conclusions about themselves. I grew up in a traditional church but I had no relationship with God. My perception of God was that He was real but He was busy taking care of the world. He didn’t care about little me. He had more important things to do. 
 
I lost my identity when my daddy left. I felt very vulnerable and unsafe. Insignificant and unimportant. On top of that, God didn’t care about me. 
 
I didn’t know then, but here was the truth: God is the only perfect Father. Our earthly fathers will let us down at some point because they are human. It took me years to realize I had a thought patterns based on beliefs formed in childhood. 
 
Based on lies. 
 
The enemy wants us to believe lies. He is the master of lies. He doesn’t want us to see the truth about God and who He is. Even deeper…he doesn’t want us to see who we are in Christ. Our identity is in Christ. 
 
Now, Christ is my comforter, my protector, and so much more.
 
How do we change the influence of the enemy’s lies in our lives? We call on our heavenly Daddy to reveal the lies to us. God is a great revealer of what’s happening in our hearts if we’re open to it. Seek Truth. 
 
John 8:32 “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free”.God can reveal truth to us in many ways. Through dreams, through friends, through worship songs, through teachings and sermons, and especially through scriptures. We can spend time getting to know who He is by drinking deep of the well of His living water. 
 
When we spend time with God, we learn to discern truth from lies. And something happens when the lies are brought to light: we don’t agree with them anymore. A shift takes place where we no longer look to our earthly father for our belonging and security: we look to our heavenly Father. 
 
It’s funny how our view on the past changes when we look to Jesus. Maybe we have harbored hurts from our earthly fathers that were just miscommunications and now we need to forgive them. For example, there was a situation when I was younger where my dad spanked me and not the guilty party. I carried that hurt for years but when I saw the truth my heart softened and I forgave him. It was only then that I remembered my dad had cried later, when he found out I had not been the one who committed the punishable act. I first had to forgive him to remember this.
 
I want to end by saying I think it’s easy to give fathers a bad rap. Can we also remember the good things they do?

All the things I started with in this article are the very things I shared at my dad’s funeral. He wasn’t a perfect man, but he was MY dad. 

This month, let’s celebrate fathers for the good they do! Your heavenly Father will be there too.

I love men… 
 
NO, REALLY. 
 
I am not talking about a romantic love; I’m talking about a amazement at the fearful and wonderful way they are created, a fascination with the way they process and think, an admiration of their ability to have fun. 
 
In all honesty, I don’t think I used to love men. My poor ex-husband can probably attest to that. We were young and I wrestled continually with what it meant or looked like to ‘respect’ him. Yet, at the same time, I did not trust, honor, or remotely understand him. Oh, I wanted to be protected and provided for by him - but I don’t think I loved or appreciated who he was as a man. 
 
I grew up with a mom that felt the same way. She had been physically, emotionally and mentally abused by men. She wanted a man, but oftentimes she bashed men. My family is highly matriarchal - women rule. So, not knowing differently, I did not like or understand or care to understand the value of men. Down deep in my soul, I believed that men were out to hurt women and, at some point in life, they would inevitably abandon, abuse, or just check out. 
 
Fast forward. I get saved and begin to grow in the knowledge and the love of the Lord. I long to be alive in who I am as a woman and raise my children to love who they are as women and MEN…yes, I had 2 sons and my vision for them as a parent was that they would live freely as MEN OF GOD. 
 
Fortunately for me: 
 
With God nothing [is or ever] shall be impossible.” (Luke 1:37)
 
How did I ever get from the place of wanting to rule over men to loving men?
 
How oh HOW DO WE LEARN TO RIGHTLY LOVE MEN?
 
For me, it was a PROCESS. And, I believe it is a process that we, especially as single mothers, would be wise to engage in and say “YES LORD, be it unto me as you have desired.”
 
Let’s take a few steps together. 
 
REALIZATION
 
We first must realize there is something amiss in our own hearts. In all honesty, if you have ever been hurt by a man, had an absent or abusive father, or have had trust broken by a man…chances are there are pockets of mistrust, anger, rage, and even hatred towards men. 
 
Be willing to INQUIRE of the Lord: “see if there be any offensive way in me” (Psalm 139:24). 
Allow the light of Christ to illuminate the hidden places where you might have been wounded – the places where a heart-infection has set in due to unforgiveness, vows, or bitterness. 
 
Realization came to me bit by bit:  I remember the one time that I fell absolutely in love with men was when my oldest son was probably 15 or 16 (that was about 10 years ago) was being quirky about something. He had a completely different perspective than I did, WE WERE NOT SEEING EYE TO EYE AT ALL. Suddenly it was like lightning struck me and my eyes were opened. I thought “I LOVE the way you see things different…I NEED YOUR PERSPECTIVE IN MY LIFE. I realized in a moment how narrow my thinking had been and how radically different my son perceived something because he was a MAN. 
 
CONFESSION
 
Confess to the Lord for sure, but go one step more (remember: we are after freedom, wholeness and making a place for men to arise) Confess to a friend, pastor or counselor that can walk with you through the process of repentance and accepting the forgiveness of God. 
Confess to your sons when you realize the truth (and with the Holy Spirit’s guidance you WILL realize). Confess to your daughters when you realize you are not behaving in a way that a godly woman behaves. 
 
Holy Spirit, give me eyes to see where I have not walked in the light in this area of my life. Give me grace to walk in humility as you teach me the right path. Show me where I have missed the mark so that Your name can be glorified in the marriages of my children. Empower me from the inside out to raise up a generation that walk in freedom of who they are created to be as men and women. 
 
REMEMBER:
we are making a place in our lives for our sons, fathers, and men 
to step into the fullness of who they are as men of God. 
I know this is HARD WORK but it’s worth it…THEY are worth it. 
 
ACCOUNTABILITY
 
This will certainly keep you humble. Allow friends the privilege of sharing in love when they notice you operating in a way that is unbecoming to a woman of God. Of course, that means we need to be in relationships with others who are either pursuing righteousness, or are ahead us in the journey. 
 
I long for generations of men of God to arise. But that means I have to be faithful as a woman to walk in the fullness of my role, my call, and my identity as a woman. 
 
LETTING THE MAN JESUS LOVE YOU
 
Jesus had to love the uglies right out of me. 

• I needed to be loved where I had been wounded. 
• I needed to be accepted where I had been rejected, 
• I needed to discover that there was truly One who would never leave or forsake me in every place I had been abandoned. 
• I needed to have my heart grow tender and be nurtured where I had been neglected. 

 
"I will plant a new heart and new spirit inside of you. I will take out your stubborn, stony heart and give you a willing, tender heart of flesh."  (Ezekiel 36:26 - The Voice)
 
Jesus loved me in every one of the desperate places of my aching soul. He stepped in and revealed His love and fascinated my heart. 
 
This is the longing of His heart; to LOVE us.
He died so that we might know how much He absolutely loves us…
NO ONE has ever died for me (or for you) before
THAT’S LOVE and that was the love I needed to know
 
As Jesus began to love the hurt, broken and rebellious places, my ability to love increased. I fell deeply in love with Jesus first. As my love for Him grew, so did my love for the things and people He loves. 
 
Jesus loves MEN. He created them to be different than us. When men arise (just as when women arise), and when the glory of the Lord manifests fully in His SONS and daughters, THEN “the glory of the Lord will cover the earth as the waters cover the sea”.  (Habakkuk 2:14)
 
Ladies, let’s let the Love of God consume us so that we might learn to love men into their rightful places as sons, brothers, and fathers. 

​ 
My earthly father passed away when I was 10 years old. 
 
He was in and out of my life when I was younger and battled his own demons. I don’t have that many memories with him. He loved me to the best of his abilities, though. 
 
Isn’t it amazing how when we have a relationship with the Lord we can oftentimes look back on people in our past and look at them differently?
 
My father was not always there physically, spiritually, or emotionally but he loved me the best he could. He was far from perfect, but it was the best that he knew how. The loss of him left me fatherless.
 
Or so I thought. 
 
I remember being about 4 years old and asking Jesus to make a home in my heart. It was on Easter and I was at my grandma’s house. They had Easter specials on T.V., and at each commercial break they would have a pastor come out and lead his audience in the sinner’s prayer. I accepted Jesus during every single commercial break. 
 
God became my Father. At an incredibly young age I knew He was protecting me. He was guiding me. Through the constant conflict of my home life - through my confusion, and through my insecurities as a small child - He was my Father. 
 
As I got older and into my adulthood, I learned more and more of what it meant for God to be my father. Prayers as simple as “Our Father who art in Heaven” impacted my heart. 
 
I saw how my Heavenly Father encouraged, guided, guarded, loved, protected, lifted, and provided for me. I saw time and time again what a good Father He was. And although I did not see that in my earthly father, God showed up in my life and reminded me Whose I was. 
 
I am a daughter of the King. 
I am a daughter, and God is my Father. 
 
I truly started to learn what it meant to be a daughter again. Knowing that allowed me to learn what it meant to be a woman, a friend, a sister, and mom; but I had to first rediscover what being a daughter meant. A daughter who would run to her Father in times of sadness, in anger, in confusion, in frustration. I could lay it all out there and know that He would catch me every single time I fell. 
 
Now, I am a co-parenting single mom to two precious little boys. Their dad is active in their lives, thankfully. But… their father is not perfect and he never will be. I am so glad that my children have the same incredible Father I do. 
 
I want to instill in them the understanding of having a Heavenly Father. 
 
A Father who will have compassion on them. “As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.” Psalm 103:13
 
A Father who will provide and take care of them. “Look at the birds of the sky: they don’t sow or reap or gather into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they?” Matthew 6:26
 
A Father who blesses them with every spiritual blessing. “Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavens.” Ephesians 1:3
 
A Father whose kingdom will come. “He said to them, ‘Whenever you pray, say: Father, Your name be honored as holy. Your kingdom come.” Luke 11:2 
 
I am raising future fathers. I want my boys to see those truths in God so that they will become image-bearers of their Heavenly Father, even as earthly fathers. Someday they will imitate what they have learned and my largest prayer is that they will see Jesus and imitate Him. Not even that they will imitate what I am doing… but that they will learn to hear the voice of the Father and they will follow and replicate His words and actions.
 
Mommas, God is the Father to the fatherless - “God in His holy dwelling is a father of the fatherless and a champion of widows.” Psalm 68:5. 
 
He is the Father to us. 
He is the Father to our children. 
 
Whether you are co-parenting with your children’s’ father or not, fret not… God hears you. He sees you. He wants you to invite Him in to Father you. 
 
Sometimes as moms we forget that we are also daughters. 
You are a daughter. 
You have a Father in Heaven who wants to give you good gifts. 
 
This month, while we reflect on Father’s Day, I pray that each one of you will receive the love of the Father that is waiting for you. 
 
Xxoo, 
Monica

It’s simple. We want life to count. We don’t want our time on this earth to be wasted; we want it to mean something. We want to leave an impact. Without realizing it we ARE impacting those around us every day. Our children, our co-workers, our friends, our extended family…everyone we come in contact with we impact.

We’ve all heard the saying “caught not taught.” Our kids are watching us. Emulating us. They can’t help it. There have been studies showing how kids imitate adults. They are subconsciously watching us. Have you ever noticed how family members dress alike, look alike, have the same mannerisms, humor, like the same music or movies? We are weird creatures like that.

Our kids will grow up following our lead even if they don’t show it as teens. It will happen in the simple things for instance, the way you cook or clean your house, the way you handle friendships and treat other people, your love for certain music and entertainment. Your behavior will be handed down to the next generation naturally. This can also be negative so if there’s a habit that needs to be nipped in the bud do it now. A friend of mine recently shared how it’s been fun to watch her grown children take on the family traditions with her own family without even thinking about it. How we choose to live will be emulated. Choose how you want to live.
 
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go,
Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
 
Sometimes our training is intentional; other times it’s not, it’s caught. Let’s look at some things we can do intentionally to leave a legacy for our kids. It may not be as difficult as we think.

Love God. Two simple words with so much power and depth; love God. When we live our lives loving God we are setting an example for our kids. I need to be honest here. This article was very hard for me to write. The topic of leaving a legacy was on my heart but every time I sat down to write it nothing would come out. I finally realized I was struggling with guilt. As a single Mom I carry loads of guilt, thinking I’m not doing enough for them; after all, look at what they’ve been through. How can I write an article on leaving a legacy?

C’mon, I know I’m not the only one stuck here. Somehow, we think we are less because we are single parents. Or we need to work twice as hard because we are playing the role of both parents. Or we carry the burden of someone else’s sin. The enemy was glaring his religious eyes at me burning with lies about how can a single Mom leave a legacy for her broken family. Lies, lies, and more lies. Let me tell you how you can leave a legacy for your kids single mommas…..by loving God, that’s how! I’m loving God in the midst of brokenness. He’s my anchor, my salvation, my hope.  I’m clinging to my savior and exchanging those lies for truth.

The truth is my kids are really not mine, they belong to God. He can speak to them and guide them so much better than me. He has plans for them far beyond what I have dreamed and can orchestrate their lives as only their Maker can. He can use me and equip me on their behalf, but ultimately they are His babies.

Let your kids SEE you loving on Jesus. Loving on Jesus doesn’t magically make us perfect people. Loving on Jesus looks different for everybody. For me it looks like a real person doing the best they can while leaning on Jesus for strength and wisdom. It’s ok to let them see us fail. It’s going to happen. They may even see us having to pay some natural consequences for decisions made by us. Just push delete and keep on loving Jesus. Let them watch as our character grows.
 
Romans 5:3-5 - Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
 
Live with purpose. Everything we do has eternal value. I recently heard David Green, Founder and CEO of Hobby Lobby, speak at my church. He said every accomplishment he would bring to his mother she would ask if it had eternal value. We don’t always think about the fact that everything we do here has eternal value. Earth is not our home we’re just passing through. I really appreciate the simple question “does what you’re doing hold eternal value?” It can. It’s all in our perspective. This can be applied to any part of our lives.

Something I started for each of my kids before they before they were born is a journal. They each have a personal journal that I’ve intentionally kept for them. Through the years I’ve written prayers, cute stories of things they have done, thoughts I’ve had about them, even some of the hard times and how I see God working on their behalf. It’s intentional, not perfect, not consistent, but nevertheless a legacy of my prayers for them. It’s never too late to start this one.

Give back. Serving and giving extravagantly. Giving with a grateful heart and do so unto the Lord, not trying to earn favor or approval is a sign of health. We may not feel like we have what it takes but I guarantee it does something uplifting when we give back. Want to break out of victim mentality? Start serving somewhere. Out of our weakness He is made strong.

Colossians 3:23-24 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Let your actions be caught and not taught. Character matters in life. Remember they’re watching how we live and will naturally imitate us. What we do and how we respond to situations all reveal the degree of character in our hearts.

2 Peter 1:5-7 For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. 
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Colossians 3:12-15 Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

Every single day brings with it plenty of opportunities to make right decisions and building character. Make a mental note this week while doing life. How are you talking to or about your ex-spouse in ear shot of your kids? How do we respond when we get cut off in traffic? (Gets me every time!) What was the tone of your voice when you asked the kids to clean up the kitchen? Your list will look different from mine.

How do we do it Mammas? The dirty diapers, endless hours up at night, nursing, tantrums, and fixing owies…… the list goes on and on. The older women in my life, the ones who had been there and done that, would tell me, “this too will pass”. Guess what? They were right. In the blink of an eye those cute little babies are full grown adults living their own lives. The reality of raising children is at the end of the day I just want them to be decent people and good citizens. That will be my legacy. What's yours? 

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​Cheryl is a single mother of 7 young adult and teenage children. Originally from MN, Cheryl has lived and worked all over the Midwest in broadcasting. Missions brought her family to Kansas City in 2007. She sspent 17 years homeschooling and raising 7 children. Find her busy creating something from nothing. Currently resides in Lee’s Summit.