Learning to Rightly Love Men

I love men… 
 
NO, REALLY. 
 
I am not talking about a romantic love; I’m talking about a amazement at the fearful and wonderful way they are created, a fascination with the way they process and think, an admiration of their ability to have fun. 
 
In all honesty, I don’t think I used to love men. My poor ex-husband can probably attest to that. We were young and I wrestled continually with what it meant or looked like to ‘respect’ him. Yet, at the same time, I did not trust, honor, or remotely understand him. Oh, I wanted to be protected and provided for by him - but I don’t think I loved or appreciated who he was as a man. 
 
I grew up with a mom that felt the same way. She had been physically, emotionally and mentally abused by men. She wanted a man, but oftentimes she bashed men. My family is highly matriarchal - women rule. So, not knowing differently, I did not like or understand or care to understand the value of men. Down deep in my soul, I believed that men were out to hurt women and, at some point in life, they would inevitably abandon, abuse, or just check out. 
 
Fast forward. I get saved and begin to grow in the knowledge and the love of the Lord. I long to be alive in who I am as a woman and raise my children to love who they are as women and MEN…yes, I had 2 sons and my vision for them as a parent was that they would live freely as MEN OF GOD. 
 
Fortunately for me: 
 
With God nothing [is or ever] shall be impossible.” (Luke 1:37)
 
How did I ever get from the place of wanting to rule over men to loving men?
 
How oh HOW DO WE LEARN TO RIGHTLY LOVE MEN?
 
For me, it was a PROCESS. And, I believe it is a process that we, especially as single mothers, would be wise to engage in and say “YES LORD, be it unto me as you have desired.”
 
Let’s take a few steps together. 
 
REALIZATION
 
We first must realize there is something amiss in our own hearts. In all honesty, if you have ever been hurt by a man, had an absent or abusive father, or have had trust broken by a man…chances are there are pockets of mistrust, anger, rage, and even hatred towards men. 
 
Be willing to INQUIRE of the Lord: “see if there be any offensive way in me” (Psalm 139:24). 
Allow the light of Christ to illuminate the hidden places where you might have been wounded – the places where a heart-infection has set in due to unforgiveness, vows, or bitterness. 
 
Realization came to me bit by bit:  I remember the one time that I fell absolutely in love with men was when my oldest son was probably 15 or 16 (that was about 10 years ago) was being quirky about something. He had a completely different perspective than I did, WE WERE NOT SEEING EYE TO EYE AT ALL. Suddenly it was like lightning struck me and my eyes were opened. I thought “I LOVE the way you see things different…I NEED YOUR PERSPECTIVE IN MY LIFE. I realized in a moment how narrow my thinking had been and how radically different my son perceived something because he was a MAN. 
 
CONFESSION
 
Confess to the Lord for sure, but go one step more (remember: we are after freedom, wholeness and making a place for men to arise) Confess to a friend, pastor or counselor that can walk with you through the process of repentance and accepting the forgiveness of God. 
Confess to your sons when you realize the truth (and with the Holy Spirit’s guidance you WILL realize). Confess to your daughters when you realize you are not behaving in a way that a godly woman behaves. 
 
Holy Spirit, give me eyes to see where I have not walked in the light in this area of my life. Give me grace to walk in humility as you teach me the right path. Show me where I have missed the mark so that Your name can be glorified in the marriages of my children. Empower me from the inside out to raise up a generation that walk in freedom of who they are created to be as men and women. 
 
REMEMBER:
we are making a place in our lives for our sons, fathers, and men 
to step into the fullness of who they are as men of God. 
I know this is HARD WORK but it’s worth it…THEY are worth it. 
 
ACCOUNTABILITY
 
This will certainly keep you humble. Allow friends the privilege of sharing in love when they notice you operating in a way that is unbecoming to a woman of God. Of course, that means we need to be in relationships with others who are either pursuing righteousness, or are ahead us in the journey. 
 
I long for generations of men of God to arise. But that means I have to be faithful as a woman to walk in the fullness of my role, my call, and my identity as a woman. 
 
LETTING THE MAN JESUS LOVE YOU
 
Jesus had to love the uglies right out of me. 

• I needed to be loved where I had been wounded. 
• I needed to be accepted where I had been rejected, 
• I needed to discover that there was truly One who would never leave or forsake me in every place I had been abandoned. 
• I needed to have my heart grow tender and be nurtured where I had been neglected. 

 
"I will plant a new heart and new spirit inside of you. I will take out your stubborn, stony heart and give you a willing, tender heart of flesh."  (Ezekiel 36:26 - The Voice)
 
Jesus loved me in every one of the desperate places of my aching soul. He stepped in and revealed His love and fascinated my heart. 
 
This is the longing of His heart; to LOVE us.
He died so that we might know how much He absolutely loves us…
NO ONE has ever died for me (or for you) before
THAT’S LOVE and that was the love I needed to know
 
As Jesus began to love the hurt, broken and rebellious places, my ability to love increased. I fell deeply in love with Jesus first. As my love for Him grew, so did my love for the things and people He loves. 
 
Jesus loves MEN. He created them to be different than us. When men arise (just as when women arise), and when the glory of the Lord manifests fully in His SONS and daughters, THEN “the glory of the Lord will cover the earth as the waters cover the sea”.  (Habakkuk 2:14)
 
Ladies, let’s let the Love of God consume us so that we might learn to love men into their rightful places as sons, brothers, and fathers. 

​Misty Honnold is the President and Founder of the international organization Mountain of Myrrh Ministry (M.O.M.). She is a Visionary Leader, national speaker, writer and transitional life coach. Her greatest life work has been loving and leading her family well. She has raised 4 amazing adults and is lovingly known as Grammy to her 2 grand-daughters. Misty has blogged for over 8 years on the triumphs and trials of being a single mom. She currently blogs for Crosswalk on all things related to our spiritual journey.  Misty's passion for life is infectious.  Misty loves to lead leaders, equip women and impart value to others. Misty has learned through experience how to dance through the rhythms of life and loves to invite others into the joy of learning how to celebrate in every season.